Thank God for Philip Morris, because without them who would protect America's children?

The company is currently running a TV ad where a burly, 240-pound convenience store clerk is nearly intimidated into selling cigarettes to an apple-cheeked fifteen-year-old girl in a prom dress. Cowering behind the counter, he only pulls back and decides to obey the law at the last second because of a small cardboard sign -- "We Card" -- helpfully provided by the international death merchant. "I just point at the sign," says the clerk as the girl huffs out of the store to get her nic fix somewhere else, "because, geez, did you see the size of that girl? She could have taken me in a second!"

"But I'll be happy to sell you booze," he probably calls after her once the cameras are off. "The liquor industry doesn't give a crap."