Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

Lies, Damned Lies and What They Tell You at Radio Shack:

A couple of months ago, I went and got a cell phone for work. It's a tiny little thing and in general I've been very happy with it. It vibrates. It's my friend.

When I picked it up, I was sure to ask the salesman if it had a browser. "Oh, yes," he assured me. "It's Web capable." When I called Airtouch to activate the service, the guy told me that the service wasn't currently available, but things would be up and running by the end of April at the latest. Everything's just fine. Sleep now. Sleep.

When I phoned again, last night, another guy said that there were no plans to activate the service any time soon. He didn't think that you would be able to browse from an Airtouch phone in LA before the end of the year. He said that's been the schedule all along and whoever told me otherwise was either clueless or lying. "Web capable" apparently means something very different from "Web actually provided and able to be used."


Salesmen suck. All of them. Even the good ones. If you're a salesman, then I hate you. You're joined forever, fairly or unfairly, with the weaselly bastard who stuck me with this phone. If you can't do what I want, just tell you can't do what I want. Maybe I'll buy anyway. But, dammit, it should be an informed decision. Don't con me with slippery language and stick me with something that's basically useless for my purposes, you gape-mouthed little monkey.

I am going to Radio Shack to return this phone and get my money back, even if it takes a trip into the alley, rubber gloves and forceps.

Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.

Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic and Buzz Clock), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").

My e-mail address is I'd love to hear from you!

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