November 03, 2000

A failed McSweeney's submission:





LETTERS IN THE CURRENT ISSUE

OF PEOPLE MAGAZINE,

CONCERNING THE LATEST BIOGRAPHY

OF PRINCESS DIANA,

SUMMERARIZED IN VARIOUS WAYS



By removing every other word: "Oh, gosh!  Diana human.  Had just the of.  My, is, isn't?  I it that is once for.  I to any these books, they Diana anyone.  These may a but won't with dollars." -- C.K. Davidson, Bothell, Wash.

By abbreviating words: "Pr. Will. and his fam. think is mo.'s trust has been bet. by Pat. Jephson.  I dis.  App., mem. of the roy. fam. are quick to expect loy. but find it diff. to ach. themselves.  Mr. Jephson was a paid emp., not a fr." -- Glenn A. Johnson, Balitmore

By removing words over four letters: "If the you are any of the 'dark side' of that the is to, I say this guy does not know!  Men, mood and mean to an all like to me. I know I can.  For sake, was and a, to PMS like the rest of us." -- Sharon Grabowski, Elk Grove Village, Ill.

By replacing names with mysterious initials: "Excuse CK, but 39 mumbling words is what PM describe[s] as PW's 'firing back' at the ME's exploitation of his late MO?  My GD, I've used more words defending my DG to the NE.  PM

seem[s] to have the ridiculous idea that if PM gush[es] enough over those measly 39 words, we the RDs will be fooled into thinking PW is actually something PM desperately want[s] PW to be: a shining, caring, charismatic

replica of his MO.  Well, PW isn't.  PW is a nice, slightly boring, well-intentioned and utterly banal person who is not now or ever will become what his MO was.  By the way, 'uhm' is not a word.  Correct that 39 to 38." -- Carolyn Ekstedt, San Francisco



 



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