The other day, I passed a car that had a “What You Do With Jesus Christ Determines Where You Spend Eternity” bumper sticker and, like most bumper stickers and the philosophies that fit on them, it was distressingly short on specifics. So I did some research — man, Google is getting good — and came up with the following definitive, ecclesiastically guaranteed resolutions to various behaviors:
|Stuff and mount over fireplace||Barstow, CA|
|Get to second base||Freezer of a 7-Eleven|
|Eat (non-transmogrified version)||Bathroom|
|Hang out, maybe play some video games||Jesus’s parents’ den|
|Use as the subject of smug, morally superior bumper stickers||Hell|
|Embrace as the Savior||Dead, just like everybody else|
Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.
Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic and Buzz Clock), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").
My e-mail address is email@example.com. I'd love to hear from you!