Today is Opening Day, the start of the 2011 major league baseball season, and so begins the annual rite of passage for all right-thinking Americans: desperately hoping that the New York Yankees lose every one of their goddamned games.

Yes, yes, the crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd, the thrill of the hometown boys making good. But I’m a Dodgers fan, so what chance do I have of experiencing any of that this year? We’re rebuilding. Just like every year since 1988.

So instead of a World Series victory or the National League pennant or a .500 season, I’ll settle for a note delivered right into my Twitter stream, marking the occasion that — yet again — those smug, over-funded, media-driven divas have failed to do something as simple as win a game of baseball. And all will be right with the world.

Follow @yankeeslose on Twitter to join in the schadenfreude!