So I walk into the supermarket and instantly become some sort of id-turned-physical. I wander up and down the aisles, yelping "Want that and that and that and that and that." I'm not shopping so much as impulse buying on a massive scale.

As I'm wheeling the cart back to the car, I realize that, among other things, I've bought:

• A giant, mutant three-liter bottle of pineapple soda
• JIF peanut butter, and the only reason I can think of is because "Choosy moms choose JIF!"
• A one-pound bag of salami
• Some hard, crunchy plums
• A giant, mutant two-quart jar of salsa
• Shampoo
• Pop-Tarts, grape, with frosting
• Some aerosol spray by the name of "Easy Cheese, Cheddar and Bacon Flavor"