It Took the Car Seven Years
So my car just hit a light-second. I was driving back to work after getting lost on my way to a computer store and the odometer slowly ticked over to 186,284 miles. Light travels 186,284 miles per second. I pulled over and took pictures.
No, really.
Jeff and Lil Get Hitched
So I'm standing across the room from where Jeff and Lily are sitting, flanked by the bride's maids and groom's men. About a hundred and thirty people are looking at me and I'm completely and utterly terrified.
I adjust the mike and say "Ah" and it echoes around the room.
I can see Jeff and Lil watching me, and I rub my finger around the top of the glass I'm holding, and I take a deep breath and I plunge in:
"I've known Jeff and Lily for a long time now, and I've gotten to watch their relationship grow, almost from the beginning. I can't think of anything to add to what they said earlier today, except that I think they're two of the most wonderful people I've ever met and I know they'll have a long and happy life together."
I manage to raise my glass a little.
"Congratulations... you two wacky loons."
People laugh and salute and drink and look away, and I give a big exhale, right into the mike.
