So I'm in Subway for lunch.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yeah. I'd like a foot-long Subway Club, on wheat, please."

"White?"

"Wheat."

He pulls out a short bun and cuts it open.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I said foot-long."

"Foot-long?"

"Foot-long."

He gets a new bun and cuts it open. He scoops up a meatball.

"I wanted the club," I say.

"What?"

"The club."

"Oh," he says and puts the meatball down. He picks up the deli slices and slaps them into the bun.

"Cheese?"

"Everything, please."

"So no cheese?"

"Yes cheese. Everything, please."

"Mayo, mustard?"

"Everything."

"Lettuce and onions?"

"Everything."

"Pickles?"

"Ev-ree-thing."

"Oil and vin--"

"Everything."

He wraps up the sandwich. "Would you like anything else with that?"

"Yeah. A small drink and some Nacho Doritos, please."

"What kind of Doritos?"

"Nacho."

"Ranch?"

"Why, yes," I say. "That would be fine."