So when, exactly, am I going to feel like an adult?

I've been waiting for it to happen for years, waiting for the sudden sharp snap -- Ding! Your maturity has arrived! -- that will render me capable of having the slightest idea about what I'm supposed to be doing. That's what grown-ups do, right? Have some idea?

I mean, geez. I've got a wife, two kids, a mortgage, some actual responsibility at work, and the occasional plumbing problem, both personal and residential. But I still can't look at myself in the mirror and not go, "Pfft."

I see my parents and think: Adults. I see my boss and think: Adult. I even see my wife and think: Adult.

But I see myself and think: You've got a zit on your forehead.