So I'm getting my lunch at 7-Eleven again -- because I'm a sad little man, that's why -- and I tear open the bag of nachos and pour them into the little red tray and slide it under the yellowest nozzle and push the button marked "Cheese." The dispenser shutters and moans and little day-go blobs of "cheese" are violently extruded onto the chips. It's an image that doesn't say "Tasty Mexican feast" so much as "This machine is going to the bathroom on my food."

Mmmm!