Things to Do, in Increasing Order of Boredom and Desperation, for Twelve Hours at the Office on a Sunday with Nobody Else There while Waiting for a Grindingly Slow ARCserve to Restore Gigabytes and Gigabytes of Data that Disappeared Saturday Night for No Good Reason: First in a Series

• Check e-mail

• Browse all the sites you keep bookmarked

• Wish you'd brought a book

• Watch the progress indicator and try to do extrapolations in your head

• Work on ulcer

• Check e-mail

• Browse every site you've ever visited before

• Curse VonNeumann and his stupid, stupid machine

• Check e-mail

• Try to nap

• Order Chinese for lunch

• Browse every site you've ever read about, ever heard about or that exist at domains named for common words

• Order pizza for dinner, six hours early, so it can be put in the fridge and be nice and cold

• Climb onto desk and lift out acoustical tile, to see what's up there

• Run up and down hall

• Run up and down hall, hooting

• Perform a summersault, even though you are way too old and way too fat

• Make lots of long-distance calls to friends

• Make lots of long-distance calls, dialing randomly

• Check e-mail and curse your loser friends, who all apparently have better things to do than check their e-mail

• Eat the ice cream that was left in the freezer from the Christmas party

• Jiggle the handles on all the other suites on the floor

• Really explore the bathroom

• Actually read your company's marketing material

• Smell the furniture, checking to see if the armrests, because they come in contact with skin, are any different than the rest

• Smell the furniture, just because it's there

• Toe maintenance!

• Actually read your own site