Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

So I'm getting ready for work and the phone rings.

"Hello?"

A speakerphoned voice booms in my ear. "HiGreg, myname'sBillTropp, andI'macorporateplacementconsultant. Wespokeafewmonthsago. Iwaswonderingifyouhadsometimerightnow?"

"Uh," I say. I've got no idea who this guy is, but I talked to a few headhunters after I left Quotron. For all I know I promised to marry this one. "Er."

"Great," he says. "I'vegotacoupleofgreatsituationsherethatyoumaybeinterestedin."

When, exactly, did the word "situation" come to replace every other noun in the English language? Cops have situations when people barricade themselves inside houses, generals have situations when there's an invasion going on, and now head hunters have situations when they've got job openings. Maybe it makes a job sound exciting when you deal with "situations." "Jim, we've got a pizza delivery situation here..."

"Ah," I say.

"Great," he says. "Thebestoneisasituationthat" -- big breath -- "woulduseyourMSandOOPexperience."

MS is "Microsoft," not "multiple-sclerosis," and OOP is "object-orient programming." I'm convinced that the folks out there who invent stuff like OOP give them silly names on purpose ("scuzzy," "gooey," "oop") just so slick head-hunters will have to sound ridiculous on the phone. Which is fine by me.

"Well, ah, Bill. I kind of have a job--"

"Withwho?" he says.

"Ah, well, with CaseWar--"

"Goodcompany," he says. "Whodoyouworkfor?"

"Marty Caga--"

"Goodguy. Haven'ttalkedtohiminalongtime. Shouldgivehimacall."

"Ah."

"Mmm-hm."

"Ah."

"OK, then," he says. "Ifyoueverneedanything,don'thesitatetogivemeacall. Bye."

"Uh..."

And he hangs up. Why do I feel like I've just accidentally subscribed to six or seven magazines?

Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.

Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic and Buzz Clock), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").

My e-mail address is greg@eod.com. I'd love to hear from you!

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