Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

So it's nine o'clock on a Saturday night and I've got an entire box of Marshmallow Alpha-Bits spread out on the kitchen table. In front of me are pieces of cereal arranged like this:

 a   e   i     o     u   y  ABCDEF HIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ 

The letters on top are the Double Marshmallow vowels. These are little bits of "marshmallow" that have the consistency and brightness of primary-color children's chalk, but only about half the taste. The letters on the bottom are the regular pieces of cereal, the entire alphabet -- except for the G. I've been through every pieces of cereal in the box and there's no G.

This disturbs me.

I figure there's a couple of possible reasons:

One: I just happened to buy a box of cereal without any Gs. The odds against this, though, seem astronomical.

Two: The Gs are very fragile and they've all crumbled into the unrecognizable little bits that litter the bottom of the box. But I don't see anything about a G that's any more unstable than, say, a C. And there's lots Cs (none of which, by the way, are broken Gs -- I checked.)

Three: For their own nefarious purposes, the manufacturer has maliciously decided to exclude Gs from every box of Marshmallow Alpha-Bits as part of their dastardly plan to control the world.

I haven't worked out all the details yet, but I think I'm on to something with this last idea...

Why is everybody looking at me funny?

Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.

Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic and Buzz Clock), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").

My e-mail address is I'd love to hear from you!

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