Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

When I'm in charge -- and don't think it won't happen -- restaurants will be required to put a little symbol next to each messy sandwich on their menus.

"Warning!" the symbol will say. "This shrimp poor boy may sound amusingly off-beat, but, honestly, it's just a bunch of slippery critters stuffed into a too-flaky, too-long roll. Please don't order it if you're here for a business lunch. Judging from how awkward you look in that tie, you're probably going to embarrass yourself badly enough without having to worry about picking shrimp out of your lap the whole time."

Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.

Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic and Buzz Clock), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").

My e-mail address is greg@eod.com. I'd love to hear from you!

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