Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.

So I'm driving to work, listening to the radio and people are calling in and complaining about how "Pulp Fiction" should have won Best Picture instead of "Forrest Gump."

One guy is going on about how the Academy always rewards movies that have nothing to do with reality, man, it's just those rich Hollywood types who don't know anything about what life is like, man, when the DJ cuts in says that's obviously not true, you monkey, 'cause "Schlindler's List" won last year.

"Well, yeah," says the guy, "but that was set in the 50's."

So Joanne and I are standing in one of those small art galleries that dot West LA and we're looking at pictures of lawyers.

Hip people mingle around and munch on some sort of pulped animal spread on some sort of multi-grain cracker. There's generic jazz fusion playing. And the walls are covered with pictures of lawyers.

They're acrylic on metal, mostly in black and white. Marcia Clark, Johnnie Cochran, Christopher Darden, Robert Shapiro. Even -- and I'm not making this up -- Colin Furgeson, the man who killed six people on a New York subway then defended himself in court. His jacket is painted red.

The pictures are about a foot or so square and almost exactly resemble the pictures that have appeared on the front page of the L.A. Times for the past few months -- same angles, same poses.

They cost $2,200 each.

We chat quietly back forth, Joanne and I, pointing out that anybody who buys one of these things obviously has more money than brains and should probably be forcibly restrained. We decide we'd forgive, say, Marcia Clark for buying her own, but if anybody else were to even express interest, they're either (A) a rich stalker or (B) a rich moron.

As we're talking a man in a suit and a brightly colored tie, probably the gallery owner, comes over to us and says, "This is an art show."

I turn to him -- I'm wearing a rain-soaked ski jacket and jeans; I've got mud all over my boots -- and say, "So we're crashing then."

He nods and says, "That's fine." He smiles. "As long as that big purse" -- he points to Joanne's purse -- "is filled with money!"

"Ha ha!" he adds.

And I wish I'd thought to say: "So this is an art show."

Hi there! My name's GREG KNAUSS and I like to make things.

Some of those things are software (like Romantimatic), Web sites (like the Webby-nominated Metababy and The American People) and stories (for Web sites like Suck and Fray, print magazines like Worth and Macworld, and books like "Things I Learned About My Dad" and "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard").

My e-mail address is I'd love to hear from you!

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